Magazines are the only medium where girls are over-represented. However,almost 70% of the editorial content in teen mags focuses on beauty & fashion & only 12% talks about school or careers.

Media, Self-Esteem & Girls' Identities

Research indicates that these mixed messages make it difficult for girls to negotiate the transition to adulthood. In its 1998 study Focus on Youth, the Canadian Council on Social Development reports that while the number of boys who say they "have confidence in themselves" remains relatively stable thru adolescence, the numbers for girls drop steadily from 72% in Grade 6 students to only 55% in Grade 10.

Carol Gilligan was the first to highlight this unsettling trend in her landmark 1988 study. Gilligan suggests it happens because of the widening gap between girls' self-images & society's messages about what girls should be like.

Children Now points out that girls are surrounded by images of female beauty that are unrealistic & unattainable. And yet 2 out of 3 girls who participated in their national media survey said they "wanted to look like a character on TV."

1 out of 3 said they had "changed something about their appearance to resemble that character."

In 2002, researchers at Flinders University in South Australia studied 400 teenagers regarding how they relate to advertising. They found that girls who watched TV commercials featuring underweight models lost self-confidence & became more dissatisfied with their own bodies.

Girls who spent the most time & effort on their appearance suffered the greatest loss in confidence.

Eroticization of Young Girls

The pressures on girls are exacerbated by the media's increasing tendency to portray very young girls in sexual ways. Over the past decade, the fashion industry has begun to use younger & younger models & now commonly presents 12 & 13 year-old girls as if they were women.

Camera angles (where the model is often looking up, presumably at a taller man), averted eyes, wounded facial expressions & vulnerable poses mimic the visual images common in pornographic media.

Anthropologist David Murray warns that, "Our culture is to a large extent experimenting with eroticizing the child." For Murray, the media frenzy around teeny-bopper pop star Britney Spears & murdered 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey are examples of how this eroticization is being turned into a highly saleable commodity.

The most cursory examination of media confirms that young girls are being bombarded with images of sexuality, often dominated by stereotypical portrayals of women & girls as powerless, passive victims.

As these girls become teenagers, many choose to tune out, but others maintain a hungry appetite for these messages. As Shawn Doherty & Nadine Joseph note, those who continue to consume media images are strongly influenced "by stereotypical images of uniformly beautiful, obsessively thin & scantily dressed objects of male desire.

And studies show that girls who are frequent viewers have the most negative opinion of their gender."

"A few months ago I felt really low, really sad. Depressed for no reason," the 22-year-old actress-singer says in an interview in the February issue of Jane magazine, on newsstands Tuesday.

"I'm a very positive person & I've always been glass-half-full," she continues. "So it was like someone flipped a switch in me."

Moore, newly single after high-profile relationships with actor Zach Braff & tennis standout Andy Roddick, says her recent split with Braff didn't help matters.

"The breakup added to what I was going thru, but it's not the complete reason," she tells the magazine. "It definitely doesn't help if you're already in that place ... ."

Moore started out as a squeaky-clean teen singer & later crossed over into movies with featured roles in such films as A Walk to Remember,Saved and American Dreamz.

"I feel bad that people wasted their money on such trite, blah pop music," says Moore about her earlier music.

Moore, who is working on a record, has been looking inward a lot of late.

"I've been going thru this really crazy time in my life - it's what I imagine people fresh out of college go thru," she says. "I'm asking life-altering questions, like 'Who am I? Where do I fit in this world? What am I doing, what do I want to do? Am I living to my full potential?'"

On Beauty

And a poet said, "Speak to us of Beauty."

Where shall you seek beauty, and how shall you find her unless she herself be your way and your guide?

And how shall you speak of her except she be the weaver of your speech?

The aggrieved and the injured say, "Beauty is kind and gentle.

Like a young mother half-shy of her own glory she walks among us."

And the passionate say, "Nay, beauty is a thing of might and dread.

Like the tempest she shakes the earth beneath us and the sky above us."

The tired and the weary say, "beauty is of soft whisperings. She speaks in our spirit.

Her voice yields to our silences like a faint light that quivers in fear of the shadow."

But the restless say, "We have heard her shouting among the mountains,

And with her cries came the sound of hoofs, and the beating of wings and the roaring of lions."

At night the watchmen of the city say, "Beauty shall rise with the dawn from the east."

And at noontide the toilers and the wayfarers say, "we have seen her leaning over the earth from the windows of the sunset."

In winter say the snow-bound, "She shall come with the spring leaping upon the hills."

And in the summer heat the reapers say, "We have seen her dancing with the autumn leaves, and we saw a drift of snow in her hair."

All these things have you said of beauty.

Yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied,

And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy.

It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth,

But rather a heart enflamed and a soul enchanted.

It is not the image you would see nor the song you would hear,

But rather an image you see though you close your eyes and a song you hear though you shut your ears.

It is not the sap within the furrowed bark, nor a wing attached to a claw,

But rather a garden for ever in bloom and a flock of angels for ever in flight.

People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face.

But you are life and you are the veil.

Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror.

But you are eternity and you are the mirror.

from the book: The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Overcoming Perfectionism

i think teens fear failure just like anyone else. maybe the worst part of fear is the "uncertainty" of what could happen. it's the anxious "what ifs" that begin to wear you down. then there's rejection & fear of disapproval... it's all terribly mind bending. you can get lost for hours in worry, anxiety & fear because you just don't know what's going to happen - but you're almost always sure whatever happens will be something negative & once you establish such fears as a teen, it's going to get worse when you're an adult! - kathleen

·         the belief that no matter what you attempt it's never "good enough" to meet your own or others' expectations

first bullet above: the irrational belief that you &/or your environment must be perfect

Handling Irrational Beliefs

What are irrational beliefs?

Irrational beliefs are:

·               Messages about life we send to ourselves that keep us from growing emotionally.

·               Scripts we have in our head about how we believe life "should'' be for us & for others.

·               Unfounded attitudes, opinions & values we hold to that are out of synchrony with the way the world really is.

·               Negative sets of habitual responses we hold to when faced with stressful events or situations.

·               Stereotypic ways of problem solving we fall into in order to deal with life's pressures.

·               Ideas, feelings, beliefs, ways of thinking, attitudes, opinions, biases, prejudices, or values with which we were raised. We have become accustomed to using them when faced with problems in our current life, even when they aren't productive in helping us reach a positive, growth-enhancing solution.

·               Self-defeating ways of acting. On the surface they may look appropriate for the occasion, but actually they result in a neutral or negative consequence for us.

·               Habitual ways of thinking, feeling, or acting that we think are effective; however, in the long run they are ineffectual.

·               Counterproductive ways of thinking, which give comfort & security in the short run, but either don't resolve or actually exacerbate the problem in the long run.

·               Negative or pessimistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.

·               Overly optimistic or idealistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.

·               Emotional arguments for taking or not taking action in the face of a challenge. When followed they result in no personal gain, but rather in greater personal hardship or loss.

·               Patterns of thinking that make us appear to others as stubborn, bullheaded, intemperate, argumentative, or aloof.

·               Ways of thinking about ourselves that are out of context with the real facts, resulting in our either under-valuing or over-valuing ourselves.

·               Means by which we become confused about the intentions of others when we are enmeshed in interpersonal problems with them.

·               Lifelong messages sent to us either formally or informally by: society, culture, community, race, ethnic reference group, neighborhood, church, social networks, family, relatives, peer group, school, work, or parents. They're unproductive in solving our current problem or crisis, but we're either unwilling or unable to let go of them. These messages can be very clear to us or they can be hidden in our subconscious.

·               Conclusions about life that we have developed over time, living in an irrational environment not identified as being irrational (e.g., beliefs developed as a member of a high-stress family).

·               Standards by which we were reared & from which we learned how to act, what to believe & how to express or experience feelings. When followed, however, these standards don't result in a satisfactory resolution of our current problems.

·               Ritualistic ways by which we pursue our relationships with others, resulting in nonproductive relationships & increased emotional stress.

·               Outmoded, unproductive, unrealistic expectations exacted on ourselves &/or others, guaranteed to be unattainable & to result in continuing negative self-concepts.

What are some examples of irrational beliefs?

Irrational beliefs (negative) about self:

·               I don't deserve positive attention from others.

·               I should never burden others with my problems or fears.

·               I am junk.

·               I am uncreative, nonproductive, ineffective & untalented.

·               I am worthless.

·               I am the worst example on earth of a person.

·               I am powerless to solve my problems.

·               I have so many problems, I might as well give up right now.

·               I am so dumb about things, I can never solve anything as complex as this.

·               I am the ugliest, most unattractive, unappealing, fat slob in the world.

more information concerning handling irrational beliefs is found on the emotions & feelings page!

What irrational beliefs contribute to Perfectionism?

·               Everything in life must be done to your level of perfection, which is often higher than anyone else's.

·               It's unacceptable to make a mistake.

last time i looked at the world, god was the only perfect being in the universe. be real... no one is perfect. your parents aren't perfect either although you may be blessed with the kind of parents who think they're perfect... well that's a different story on a different page.... but be yourself - a unique being... believe me - no one is perfect. - kathleen

·               You must always reach the ideal no matter what.

·               If those in authority say this is the way it's supposed to be, then that's the way it's supposed to be.

·               You're a loser if you can't be perfect.

·               It's what you achieve rather than who you are that's important.

·               I have no value in life unless I'm successful.

think about how horrible that sounds.... lots of people are unsuccessful at things... that's why we all have our special talents, abilities & the earth is an interesting & diverse place... if everyone was successful, what would we ever have to learn? kathleen

·               There's no sense in trying to do something unless I can do it perfectly, e.g., "I don't attempt things I can't do well.''

·               If I have a failure or experience a set back in my efforts to change then I should give up.

·               The ideal is what's real; unless I reach the ideal I'm a failure.

·               There are so many roadblocks & pitfalls to keep me from succeeding. It's better just to give up & forget my goal.

·               Unless I am "Number One'' there's no sense in trying. Everyone knows what "Number Two" is. To win is the only acceptable goal.

·               If you screw up in your efforts to achieve a goal, just give up. It must be too hard to achieve.

·               You must always strive to reach the ideal in everything you do because it's in the achievement of the ideal that you give meaning to your life.

·               Don't ever let anyone know what goal you're working on. That way they won't consider you a failure if you don't reach it.

·               If you can't do it right the first time, why try to do it at all?

·               There's only one way to reach a goal: the right way.

·               It takes too much effort & energy to reach a goal. I save myself the aggravation & discouragement by not setting goals for myself.

·               I'll never be able to change & grow the way I want to, so why try.

·               I'm a human being prone to error, frailty & imperfections; therefore, I won't be able to accomplish things in a perfect or ideal way. I'll just give up on achieving any of my goals or desires.

What rational behaviors are needed to overcome perfectionistic tendencies?

How can a social support system help in overcoming perfectionism?

Social support systems can help you overcome perfectionism if you:

·               select realistic people who aren't perfectionistic in their own life

·               encourage your support system members to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts to keep you on an honest course

·               have support people who role model forgiving & forgetting when mistakes, failures, offenses, or backsliding occur

·               have given them permission to call you on being "too hard,'' "too brutal,'' "too rigid,'' "too unrealistic,'' or "too idealistic'' in your expectations

·               have people who'll give positive reinforcement for any positive change, no matter how small or slight it is

·               select trustworthy people who are open, honest & have a sincere interest in your personal growth

Steps to overcome perfectionism