angels & princesses.... hear
when i first designed teenscene, i did it because i was thinking about my own teen years & how screwed up i was. this was early in my present
recovery from all my life dysfunctions, mental illnesses & eating disorder. after i began learning about mental illness,
lifestyle factors, eating disorders and why things happen in life, i thought, "geez.... i could have used some information
like this when i was a teenager!"
i didn't want to sugar
coat anything. i was a flower child, a teenager in the 70's. life was about "make love not war" and "peace" and smoking
pot, drinking & listening to music. concerts were affordable back then, we went all the time!
but i was constantly miserable
because my parents' marriage was horrible, my childhood sucked, i didn't know if my parents loved me or not & i kept acting
out waiting for someone to care, but no one did...
things just got worse
& worse & it didn't stop in my teen years, it stayed horrible all the way to my late 30's and early 40's. i
was a wreck. so much pain inside me....
i don't want you all to end up
the same way. the world is even harder to cope with now than it was in the 70's. think about the stuff in this site
and take it from me, "if you concentrate on what i'm saying to you, and you can find your way towards the right path.... your
life could be free of emotional turmoil and pain!"
i'm always here to email... and please! do email me and let me talk to you if your need someone!
think that i was very sheltered as a child... although i was able to travel & meet people,
i still didn't realize some very important things about life....
personally, i didn't realize that people were responsible for making choices in their lives
until i was in my 30's. i wasn't taught that there's consequences for every choice you make & that thinking about making a choice involved thinking about those consequences for your action.
i realize that sounds really stupid.... to some of you anyway.... but i was raised in a home where
people didn't communicate with each other at all.
teenagers today need to think about the choices that they make very carefully. long gone are the days when sex didn't
include the letters HIV or AIDS & teens very
rarely got an STD because honestly... they just
didn't have the widespread premarital teen sex that they have today.
course, there was pregnancy
to be concerned about... i had my share of those concerns when at 16 i became pregnant. my parents never talked to me about birth control, sex or anything like
there weren't even any commercials about tampons on television when i grew up & no one
but full grown men knew about jock itch....ewwwwww
!!!! it's just the way things were.
drugs & alcohol were a problem though...
the strange thing
about that is that adults thought it was more acceptable when i was a teenager for their teens to drink alcohol, if a parent knew about it, if they were at home &
parents didn't know that much about drugs, so they didn't talk about them much.
i remember whispers behind closed doors about something called, "LSD" just once in
our home, when my parents had taken in a foster sister for us who was 18 years old & they were talking about flashbacks
that could occur long after the drug had been taken. as far as pot... well, my parents never said a word to me about it the
entire time i was in their house growing up.
the 70's when i was a teen it was the beginning
of "free love" "going braless" & acapulco gold. there
were only a handful of names for drugs in those days - mary jane, acid, lsd, uppers, downers, pot & that's about it. (least i forget "homegrown" because in the 70's everyone seemed
to grow their own pot)
how can you make important decisions if you're taking drugs? even if you're high while you're reading this...
you know that it's impossible to be clear about decisions while high on drugs...
be truthful with yourself.
i was a teenager, most teens went to church every Sunday with their parents...
in fact, if your church was in your neighborhood, you walked to church with your parents every Sunday morning
and usually went home with one of your church friends after the service to eat "Sunday Dinner" which was always on Sunday afternoon, where everyone sat at the table
together & ate with manners & respect....
teen girls volunteered to work in the nursery during
service a few Sundays a month & boys helped with the service or handing out programs...
teens attended something called "Youth Group" to have a time to "fellowship"
with other teens in their church. it was a simple time
.... not like today at all....
one ever spoke openly
rape, domestic violence or even abuse...
i'm really not
kidding about that either... not many people swore in public & most people had respect for each other in public.... people were taught to be kind & responsible, honest & trustworthy, to have tolerance for others, to help their neighbors & then... almost everyone knew their neighbors very
well.... they kind of looked after each other. we never had to lock our doors at night....
storytime is over though....
no one ever told me that fairy tales wouldn't come true...
i just had to find out for myself that prince charmings didn't exist
& that in today's world.... just about anything could happen...
what about you?
anyone clue you in?
life is "really" all about knowledge &
"considering" the consequences for your actions....
& trying to "survive" in a very hostile & difficult environment...
"Engaging in sexual intercourse at an early age is associated with a
number of negative consequences, including having a greater number of sexual partners, reduced contraceptive
use & a greater likelihood of having a teenage birth."
I have a 13 year old daughter, a 15 year old son and a step
daughter who is 17 right now...
I don't think any of them are sexually active. Those aren't
my only kids... I've already been through the teen years with three other kids who are now grown up and living on their own.
Now those adult kids... well they're sexually active !! Even
though only one of them is married, I hear way too much about their relationships! Believe me! I have to plug my ears with
my fingers and scrunch up my face and say "TMI!!!!"
I'm hoping that the girls that find themselves here will sincerely
think about not having sex before marriage. I had sex before marriage and got pregnant. It was the biggest mistake of my life.
well... for information's sake... there's tons of info on
this page... please think about what you're doing with your lives!
"Who is Most at Risk" for Contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Researchers state that there are 12 million STD cases reported annually.
consider the facts - although they knew what they were)
According to their statistics, 1
in 4 sexually active teens contract an STD.
Teen girls who report a lack of parental supervision are more likely to become infected with well-known sexually
transmitted diseases such as chlamydia than their more "closely supervised" peers.
Studies further indicate that African-American girls disproportionately contract STDs, including HIV, than girls
in other groups.
Among teens ages 15 to 19
who haven't had sexual intercourse, almost 1 in 4
report having ever engaged in oral sex w/an opposite sex partner (24% of males & 22% of females in 2002), based on analyses of the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG).
Therefore, it's obvious that increased
parental involvement has an impact on the high incidence of STD's in teenage girls & is critical in the fight to protect our teens.
More than 1/2 of all teens
ages 15 to 19 report engaging in oral sex (55% of males & 54% of females
in 2002). About
1/4 of teens ages 15 to 19
who haven't had sexual intercourse report ever engaging in oral sex (24% of males & 22% of females in 2002), compared with 88% of male teens & 83% of female teens ages 15 to 19 who have
had sexual intercourse.
The number of youth ages 13 to 19 newly diagnosed with AIDS increased from 32 in 1985 to 380 in 1995. These
numbers declined to 283 in 1998, but have been increasing since then, reaching 458 in 2003,
the highest number ever recorded.
So girlzzzz... tell me please
How would you feel if you found out you had an STD?
embarrassed? afraid? disgusted? hysterical?
how would you tell your girlzzzz
that you had gotten the crud?
hey girlzzz!!! listen up!!!!
don't have sex - don't go to the doctors with the
crud & get embarrassed when you have to tell your mother... doctor
visits are expensive without insurance... don't have sex and don't worry about it!
Virginity & First-Time Sex
Most females &
some males don't experience an orgasm the first time having sex. This may be in part due to the inexperience of you &/or
your partner in the ways of touching & pleasing, nervousness, or worry about the relationship or about possible consequences,
such as pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STI's) & your relationship with family.
Don't be afraid to go
back a step & not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. As mentioned above,
your mind has a great deal to do with how you feel. Get to know each other more & discuss your feelings about having sex.
Learn what you each like as far as touching & get to
know your bodies.
If not having an orgasm becomes a problem for you or your partner,
talk with an adult &/or your doctor. If you're a minor & would prefer not to share this concern with your parents,
ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.
Cuming Too Soon
Ejaculating (cuming) too soon
the first time is a common complaint or fear for guys. Don't worry about it! If it happens to you or your partner, know that
it doesn't mean this is how it'll always be.
Nervousness for some guys
can make them lose their erection or not have an orgasm & for others, it can cause them to lose control in the excitement
& cum too early or fast.
Don't be afraid to go back a step
& not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. This will help remove the pressure
you may feel.
There are many other things you can do to increase intimacy first &
to get more comfortable with each other. This will be vital if you feel you or your partner is cuming too soon. It helps for
partners to work with each other, discussing feelings & building confidence & trust.
Also, talk with an adult &/or
your doctor. If you're a minor & would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your
discussion confidential before going into detail.
Losing the Erection
Having difficulty keeping
an erection or reaching orgasm for males is not uncommon. Nervousness & pressure to perform can easily make a guy lose
his confidence or the mood.
Don't be afraid to go back a step
& not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. The more pressure a guy feels
to perform, the higher the chance he will either lose his erection or ejaculate faster than he'd like to.
The key is to take away the pressure of sex & involve each other in other activities, such as massage &
touching. Don't try remedies such as cockrings or penis lotions without consulting a doctor first.
These solutions cause damage
if not used properly. If losing an erection becomes a problem for you or your partner, talk with an adult &/or your doctor.
If you're a minor & would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion
confidential before going into detail.
Painful Vaginal Sex
Many of us hear
that sex for the first time can be painful, especially for a female. But painful sex doesn't have to be the case at any time.
The sections below discuss some ways that sex can be painful or uncomfortable & what you can do about it.
If you're still finding
sex painful, consider talking to an adult or your doctor. Your doctor will have a better understanding of your body
& can give you helpful advice. If you're a minor & would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your
doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.
Burning Sensations During
Sex - Not Enough Lubrication
A female's body
produces lubrication that feels much like saliva when she becomes sexually excited. This helps to reduce the chafing &
burning sensations caused by friction & allows easy movement in the vagina.
The woman's body
usually takes 8 minutes to produce this lubrication after she begins to become sexually excited. If you're having penile-to-vaginal
sex, this can be frustrating for partners, as it takes far less time for a male to get an erection.
Even if a female is very excited, she may not produce as much lubrication as needed to avoid chafing, especially
if she is nervous or worried. Physical changes can also result in too little lubrication.
Some women feel
less lubricated when taking a particular brand of birth control pill, after using a tampon, at certain times of the month,
etc. If you & your partner are experiencing chafing or pain, don't be afraid to go back a step
& not have sex.
Think about ways
to enhance your relationship without sex first. It's not uncommon for the person experiencing pain to be fearful of the next
encounter & thus adding another worry to the list. Build comfort & confidence first & focus on other forms of
pleasing & enhancing the relationship.
You can also buy
an artificial lubricant to help reduce chafing. Purchase a water-based lubricant, as it's easier on the female's body than
oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline, baby oil or massage oil.
Using a water-based lubricant
is especially important if you're using latex condoms, as oil-based lubricants can damage the condom. There are many brands
of water-based lubricant, such as ID, Wet, Astroglide & KY Jelly. Water-based lubricants can also help a female to insert
a tampon into a dry vagina during her period.
If you still find you're having discomfort,
talk to a doctor. If you're a minor & would prefer not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep
your discussion confidential before going into detail.
Sensation During Sex - Hitting the Cervix
When the female becomes excited,
her vagina produces lubrication, the back of the vagina extends & her cervix (the tip of the uterus) pulls up. When she
is relaxed, her cervix dips into the vagina. It takes time for the female to become fully excited & aroused; if she isn't
fully excited her cervix may not pull up even though she has produced lubrication.
In certain positions during
sex, the penis may hit the cervix if it has not pulled up, causing an achy, crampy feeling that may linger after sex.
If you or your partner is
experiencing this, don't be afraid to go back a step & not have sex.
Think about delaying sex until you're more comfortable with each other. Try other ways to please each other first & enhance
If partners are still experiencing
this problem, try a different position. You can also talk with an adult or physician. If you're a minor & would prefer
not to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.
Feeling the Vagina is
Too Tight or Painful Attempts at Penetration
If a female is nervous, not
ready for sex or fearful of sex, her vagina might cramp up or go into spasms, making it feel clenched & difficult for
the penis to enter. If this happens, stop & slow down - it may be a sign that this is not the right time for sex.
Don't be afraid to go back a step
& not have sex. Talk to your partner about other forms of pleasure & feeling intimate &
becoming more comfortable with your body & that of your partner's.
Think about alternatives to sex
that will increase intimacy, trust & get to each other's likes & dislikes with touching as well as your own body.
Take it slowly, be patient & talk openly.
Also consider talking to an
adult or doctor. If you're a minor & don't want to share this concern with your parents, ask your doctor to keep your
discussion confidential before going into detail.
Painful Anal Sex
Penis-to-anus sex can
be painful, especially if there isn't enough lubrication. It can also cause damage to the colon (the lower part of the intestine) if you & your partner aren't cautious.
The colon is covered
by a thin membranous tissue, which has many blood vessels & can tear easily.
If you choose to
have anal sex, you need to ensure you're using ample lubrication to avoid tearing of the colon & possible damage. Reapply
lubrication, as it will get absorbed by the body over time.
If you're using
a latex condom or glove, use water-based lubricants such as Wet, KY Jelly, ID or Astroglide, as oil-based lubricants can damage
latex. Also check in with your partner to see how he or she is feeling & take it slowly, especially at first.
If you or your partner are experiencing painful sex, Don't be afraid to
go back a step & not have sex. Think about ways to enhance your relationship without sex first. You can also
talk about your experiences with an adult &/or your doctor. If you're a minor & don't want your parents to know, ask
your doctor to keep your discussion confidential before going into detail.
What I think about that...
Teens... you're so lucky! You girlz have the world in your hands,
you just don't know how lucky you are. The world is so - well just - "set up" for you to become independent, accepted as an
individual - not just a girl or a woman - and you can really do whatever it is you want to do.
So why do you want to spend this very precious time in your life worried or thinking about all of the above
Why do you want to worry about AIDS? STD's? Pregnancy?
You are just beginning to discover who you want to be as an individual separate from your mother and father
and siblings if you have them!
I don't think that parents stress the importance of learning about everything you can learn about. Developing
a diverse cross-section of interests will allow you to become independent, self confident and own the ability to thrive in
the world. Knowing as much as you can about yourself and who you are and who you want to be - that's what you need to be concentrating
i believe that you know the facts....
will you listen to what you know in your heart?
will you be able to respect yourself after you decide to have sex?
have you considered what your "emotional health" is like right now? are
you "emotionally healthy" enough to make this decision? are you "happy with yourself?"
do you have a good relationship with your parents? are things good at home? are you really just looking for love in other places?
are you willing to give up your current - "perfect sexual health" for what may be a life long struggle
w/a sexually transmitted disease for which there is no cure for.... & could even mean eventual death?
are you prepared to be a parent? a
wife? a single parent?
i understand why you want to have sex for all the wrong reasons ...
it's such an unknown...you want to feel loved...
raging hormones that are taking over
your body & mind...
a lot of pressure out there to have sex....
some girls want to have a baby to have someone that loves them...
you want to prove your love for your partner...
it's an adult thing to do...after
all.. you're old enough
"teens want to act out so someone will tell them that they shouldn't be doing that
- to prove they care about them"
hey - i was a teen once & i had sex at 16...i know about it
let's look at
what could happen if you open that door & walk thru it...
Once again... if you decide to have sex, there's no 100% guaranteed
method of protection against pregnancy &/or sexually transmitted infections.
Sex can be the most intimate way of being with another person. Sex can be a way of expressing love for your partner. It can be pleasurable & fun. It can be a way of releasing sexual tension. It may be a
way of feeling important. It may be a way of being powerful & controlling.
But are you sure that both of you are considering sex because you deeply care for each other?
"If you're with a guy that you've been w/a long time & [sex] comes up
in your relationship, talking about it & letting each other know how you honest-to-god feel about it, will help you stay
away from it.
If you really talk about it, if you share w/each other all the consequences, feelings, pain, pleasure, whatever influences you not to do it."
Slut ... Just Another Four-Letter Word?
- someone who is sexually active
- someone who dresses suggestively, in tight or revealing clothes
- someone who wears a lot of makeup
- someone who, despite her unpopularity, tries to get the attention
- someone who flirts with other girls' boyfriends or hangs out
with mostly guys
- someone who is assumed to be sexually advanced because her
body is more developed, even if she claims to be a virgin
It seems like any wrong move can result in being labeled a slut.
But why are girls so intent on putting each other down?
- Girls feel threatened by other girls who are sexually active.
They fear losing their boyfriends to "sluts."
- Girls who are not having sex spread slut-rumors to show that
they are "better" than the "slut" who is sleeping around.
- Girls who feel threatened by freedom and confidence label those
who are not afraid to be different sluts.
It is insecurity, fear, jealousy, and pettiness that drive girls
to put each other down.
Guys on Sluts
For guys, it's much simpler. When a guy calls a girl
a slut, it is because he believes she sleeps around. A slut is labeled as "easy," and her reputation is ruined. Once the word
gets around that a girl is a slut, it's pretty tough to shake that reputation.
But She Deserves It!
it ever OK to call someone a slut? What if they do sleep around? Don't they deserve it? NO! It's never OK to judge others.
People's sexual activities and choices are their own business. Everyone's morality is different. What's right for one person
may not be right for another.
So Now What?
We are so used to hearing the word "slut" that it
doesn't faze us ... and that's a shame. Just because we're accustomed to it doesn't mean that it's OK to use it. It's mean
and nasty, and we should all be appalled and offended to hear it in conversation. It should be the person who uses that word
that we lose respect for, not the person who is being smeared.
I just gotta say it girlzzzz....
when i started teenscene a few years ago... there wasn't a MySpace yet. now...
i look at my own kids' MySpace sites and I see pictures of them, even my son, with almost no clothes on... my daughters ....
trying to look provacative...sexy...
whatz that all about? would you feel comfortable having your parents see those
pictures? i've asked my kidzzzz to "reconsider" their decisions about the pictures on their MySpace pages. i want them to
respect themselves more than that.
do you understand what i mean by that?
hey! it means... "will you choose to stay dumb" or "will you choose not to value your self worth?" & "will you choose to have sex anyway?"
Educating teens about sex has had mixed results. While it has increased their knowledge about the consequences
of being sexually active, it hasn't had the desired effect of actually stemming sexual activity among teens or impacted the
use of contraceptives among teens.
i know that in making your choice you'll consider the facts..
choices in the year 2007!
An estimated 1/2 of teen girls & boys ages 15 to 19 have had sex.
Yet only 29.8% of teen girls ages 15 to 19 reported using any method of contraception in 1995. This rate was significantly
lower than for any other age group of women.
13% of all teen girls use the pill, 10.9% condoms, 2.9% injectables, 0.8% implants, less than 1% diaphragms
& under 2% use other methods.
choice #1: to have sex or not?
abstinence? can you stick to your decision?
Talking with your partner about your decision to abstain from sex is
important. Partners need to be honest with each other & make sexual decisions together. These are some of the best ways to keep a relationship
Even so, it may not be easy to do. You may feel awkward or embarrassed.
It's best to talk about your feelings before things get sexual.
For many people it's hard to be clear about what they want when they're aroused. It's helpful to think, ahead of time, about how you can say "no" to sex.
What behavior will be clear? What words will be best? You can practice
saying the words out loud. Then think about how someone could respond to you.
Take the time to consider fully what being abstinent will mean for you. It's important to know what you're thinking & feeling & what you need. Then you can tell your partner about it & discuss what your personal decision will mean in your relationship.
Be straightforward about the limits you want to set.
Among young people ages 15 to 24 in 2002, 13% of females & 5% of males reported that their first sexual experience occurred
at age 15 or younger with an individual who was 3 or more years older ("statutory rape").
You or your partner may
have opposite wishes for the first time - from just getting it over with to making love. Make sure you're on the same page.
Also discuss what you expect afterwards:
- Do you want to be held?
- Do you want sex to continue in your relationship?
- Do you want an exclusive relationship?
- Do you & your partner expect to continue having sex with each other?
- What do you want sex to be like?
- Do you & your partner want to have sex exclusively with
each other (be monogamous)?
- What if one of you has sex with another person?
- Do you or your partner expect marriage or a lifetime commitment?
- Are you &/or your partner in love?
did you know?
many teen girls are disappointed with their first sexual experience & many more than that get even more disappointed with their on-going sex life....
i was disappointed as a teen girl when i had sex for the first time at the age of 16. for me, i had a great boyfriend who was in college when
i was in high school. we had dated for 2 years before having sex. we planned the night it would happen, "new year's eve" in
the back seat of his mother's car.
we had some cold duck. we drank it, made out, steamed up the car windows.... & then it was
time. i didn't think much of it. we didn't use any protection. i didn't get pregnant - that time anyway! it was over quickly. i thought to myself, "is that all there is?" (disappointed)
i loved the guy & he loved me. i was anxious to have sex because i had the wrong idea about sex. i thought that sex was love.
i thought that i would be unconditionally loved thru sex. have you evern thought the same way? you just need love, perhaps you're not getting the feeling of being loved by your parents. that's how it was for me. i went thru my entire teenage years wondering if my parents loved me or cared for me at all.
things don't change in your life for the better anyway when you start having sex. i craved it. i was obsessed with it. you see, i needed to be touched, to be loved unconditionally & i truly felt loved after sex. it's a common misconception amongst teen girls.
guys don't care about love. they just want to "do it!"
Some girls choose abstinence for the following reasons...
- to wait until they're ready for a sexual relationship...
- to wait to find the "right" partner .....
supports their personal, moral, or religious beliefs & values
- to deal with separation from a partner
- to get over a breakup
- to heal from the death of a partner
- to learn how to have fun with friends without sexual involvement
- to pursue school, career, or extracurricular activities
- to prevent pregnancy:
- Young sexually active
teens are much less likely than older teens to use contraception consistently
- However, the vast majority
of pregnancies to all teens are unintended
Data from the mid-1990's
show that 83% of pregnancies to 15 to 17 year-olds & 75% of pregnancies to 18 to 19 year-olds were unintended.
- to prevent sexually transmitted infection
- to follow medical advice during an illness or infection
When compared to sexually active teens, those who abstain from sexual activity during high school years (e.g., at least until age 18) are:
- 60% less likely to be expelled from school;
- 50% less likely to drop out of high school;
- almost twice as likely to graduate from college
..... teens who abstain from sex are less likely to be:
- to attempt suicide
- to experience
- to have children
- to live in poverty
& welfare dependence as adults
...teens who delay sexual activity are more likely to have stable & enduring marriages as adults
(excerpts from: Teenage Sexual Abstinence & Academic Achievement )
Teen Pregnancy: What
are the Statistics?
Recently published reports indicate that in the US
alone 1 million adolescent girls become pregnant each year. Statistics also indicate that 1/2 of these pregnancies are carried
thru to term, resulting in nearly 500,000 babies each year that are either put up for adoption, raised by grandparents, or
brought up by young mothers.
Compared to France, Canada,
Japan & Great Britain, the US birth
rate among teens is highest.
my opinion, the only way this growing epidemic can be stopped is to educate parents, teens, schools & community
centers about teen sexuality & the risks involved. Our efforts to prevent pregnancy in very young girls, who themselves
are still children, can only be successful if the correct guidance is offered to our teens at home, at school & elsewhere.
Teen pregnancy has negative consequences for both the mother & the child. The vast majority of teen pregnancies (78%) are unintended.
Data from the mid-1990's indicate that 43% of pregnancies to teens aged 15-19
ended in unintended births & another 35% ended in abortions. These percentages are even
higher for younger teens. Mothers who do have a teen birth are more disadvantaged, on average, than are other teens &
have children who face negative health, cognitive & behavioral outcomes.
this is your decision... "her decision"
he won't be around to take care of a baby if you make a mistake...
Does Sex Education Assist
in Stemming the Tide of Sexual Activity Among Youth?
(what the heck does that mean?)
hey! it means..."will
you choose to stay dumb" or "will you choose not to value your self worth?" & "will you choose to have sex anyway?"
Educating teens about sex has had
mixed results. While it has increased their knowledge about the consequences of being sexually active, it has not had the
desired effect of actually stemming sexual activity among teens or impacted tuse of contraceptives among teens.
i know that in making your choice you'll consider
What's the Rush?
What Feels Right
friends ask me why I want to wait to lose my virginity. They also ask me if I worry that my boyfriend won't be satisfied unless
we have sex*. I know virginity can mean different things to people, but I'm only 17 years old and I don't feel any rush to
have intercourse. After all, if my boyfriend is just sticking around for that, I'd be better off without him.
me cheesy, but I think losing my virginity is supposed to be special and beautiful, and I want to share it with someone I
think I'll be with for a long time. I want to be in love when I share this experience and feel that my partner is also in
love with me.
Some of my friends have had break-ups with people they've had sex with, and they are totally torn apart,
wishing they hadn't done it. Some have sex just to have it, without any real meaning behind it and they say it doesn't even
feel that great. I want to be sure that I am totally ready for sharing what I hope will be an intimate experience.
Do We Do Instead?
People ask me this question all the time. My boyfriend was shocked when I told him that I didn't
want to have sex. He has had sex before and just assumed that we would, too. He finally realized I felt strongly about waiting
until I'm ready and he didn't try to sway me from my decision. We talked about other ways that we could feel close to each
We spent a lot of time together and he said that it was different for him to get to know someone without having
any pressure to perform sexually. He also liked not having to think about pregnancy, or sexually transmitted infections. We
spent our time hanging out with friends, talking a lot, watching movies and cuddling, and walking around. I felt comfortable
with him. And I really started to like him.
Sometimes we were physical, even though we weren't having sex. After a
while, we began to touch and explore each other's bodies. Some people call it outercourse — other kinds of sex play
to make each other feel good. It was fun. I loved when we would talk about different ways that we liked to be touched. I trusted
him because I knew that he wasn't spending time with me just for sex.
When Will It Happen?
When friends ask
me when I'll be ready to lose my virginity, I don't have an answer for them. I tell them that I might even wait until I get
married. A lot of them think I'm crazy when I say that. I want to wait. It's exciting to think about the day when I'll actually
do it, but it's an experience I will hold off on until I'm totally ready.
can refer to any kind of sex play. However, in this article, the author is referring to vaginal intercourse wherever the word
My boyfriend and I have been together
9 months and it seems like lately all he wants to do is hook up... Im not always in the mood and then he gets really frustrated
when we dont... When I try to talk to him about it he turns it around like Im the one in the wrong because hooking up is just
a part of the relationship and Im being stupid for not always wanting to... what do i do??
have different levels of sex drive. Some people would be happy to have sex every day, and some people would be happy to have
sex once a month or even less often. And there are also some people who don't want to have sex at all. Many things can affect
our sex drives. This can include stress, certain prescription medications, how comfortable we are with our partners, past
sexual experiences, if we feel safe, how deeply we are attracted to the person, and many other factors in our lives.
your relationship is lacking in hands-off quality time, communicate with your boyfriend about how you'd like things to change.
Talk with your boyfriend about what he wants out of the relationship. If your boyfriend is just looking for a hook-up buddy
and that's not what's on your mind, then maybe it's time to call it quits.
Hope this information helps!
source: click here
Teens and the Double Standard
One of your classmates is sexually active. Big deal, right?
Well, the way people treat this particular student may totally depend on whether they are a guy or a girl.
it: if a guy sleeps with a lot of girls, then a whole lot of people say he's a "player" or a "stud." His friends are likely
to respect him and want to be just like him — good with the ladies.
Now if this student is a girl, it's a completely
different story. To a lot of people, she's a "slut," a "whore," or a "tramp."
Why would two people with the same sexual
experiences be viewed so differently, just because of their gender? Ladies and gentlemen, meet the double standard.
a Double Standard?
The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as "a set of principles permitting greater opportunity
or liberty to one than to another, esp. the granting of greater sexual freedom to men than to women."
In other words,
young women who seem to be more sexual or sexually active are more likely to be viewed negatively, while young men who seem
to be more sexual or sexually active are more likely to be viewed positively. It's all about appearances.
1960s, researchers have been studying how society accepts the double standard and how it affects the sexual experiences of
men and women. For instance, men are socialized to view sex as a conquest — those who have more of them are more "manly."
On the other hand, women are taught to limit their sexual encounters to one monogamous relationship. Not surprisingly, these
two opposite views can create lots of tension and many misunderstandings between sex partners of different genders.
Really Do Hurt
The labels and social attitudes that come from the double standard can make teens feel terrible
about their personal choices and how they appear to other people. Studies show that girls are more likely than boys to feel
used and guilty after having sex — at the same time, guys are twice as likely as girls to feel more popular or good
about themselves after sex.
Peers can reinforce these feelings by calling girls "sluts" and "hoes," making them feel
that it's wrong or immoral for them to be sexy or sexually active — which is not true at all. Sex can be a wonderful
experience between two people who are prepared and agree to it on their own terms — so why do girls so often feel bad
about it? The answer is the double standard. It sets up a no-win situation for girls.
It dictates how women are supposed
to behave in order to be "accepted." For instance, pop culture tells women that they need to be "sexy" so that men will find
them attractive. However, if a woman dresses or acts sexy but doesn't want to have sex, then she is dressing like a "whore"
and is called a "tease." Then, if she takes charge of her sex life and enjoys it, she's called "cheap" and "easy." Worse,
she may even feel like that herself.
What's a Girl to Do?
With all the mixed messages out there,
it's easy for teens to feel confused, frustrated, and even down on themselves. And it can be very hard to ignore the hurtful
things people say. So we need a little protection!
First step: Protect ourselves. Don't buy into the
double standard. We should all try to live our lives according to our own values and beliefs, based on what's important to
us. We should try not to punish ourselves for not being like other people. We should try our best to ignore the nonsense about
gender and sex that are all around us. Maybe even take a break from celebrity magazines and any other media that promotes
the double standard.
Second step: Protect each other. We shouldn't support the double standard by
making jokes and judgments about other people's sexuality or by calling them names — even when they are really jerks!
And we can ask our friends to take it easy on other people if we hear them doing it.
Third step: Talk about
it. We can get conversations and chats going about the double standard with friends of both sexes. We can start with
asking questions like "Why is X okay for him but not for her?" "If she can't do X, then why can he?" Talking with friends
about how lame it all is can be very satisfying. And it can help get us out from under the double standard, which is a good
place to be.
Young women who are sexually active are viewed negatively, while young men who
are sexually active are viewed positively.